?

Log in

The End Of Forever

> recent entries
> calendar
> friends
> My Personal Website
> Site Meter
> profile
> previous 50 entries

Thursday, June 14th, 2007
6:11 pm
Hi!

(Punch me in the mouth)

Sunday, January 15th, 2006
4:17 pm
If there's anybody in the Syracuse area looking for a fun and cool hangout, you should definitely check out OHM Lounge in downtown Armory Square on Franklin Street. I visited it for the first time last Friday night with my cousin Ed (eroge) and a couple of other people. Great times... Definitely a change from the usual hangouts on Tipp Hill like Blarney Stone and Coleman's.

(2 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Sunday, December 25th, 2005
10:10 pm
Fall 2005 Grades

ANT 344 - Language And Culture : A

COG 411 - Introduction - Neural Networks : A

CSC 366 - Cognitive Science : B

PHL 471 - Philosophy Of Mind : B+

PSY 475H - History&Current Sys in Psy Hon : B

PSY 490H 01 - Honors Research Seminar : A

(1 open wound ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
10:35 pm
Hi...I'm still alive...

(1 open wound ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Monday, May 23rd, 2005
5:43 pm

Spring 2005 Grades



CSC 241: Java II - B+
CSC 350: Computational Linguistics - A-
PSY 310: Psycholinguistics - A
PSY 391H: Honors Psychology - A-
PSY 401: Perception with lab - A-

Current GPA: 3.66

(2 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Thursday, March 10th, 2005
9:44 pm
I figured I'd update since I haven't done so in a while.

So in case you don't know yet, I did break my hand about 2 weeks ago, which is why this entry will be short as it's hard to type with this damn cast on. But to make a long story short, I punched the wall and broke my fifth metacarpal (also known as a "boxer's fracture"). I walked around for a week and a half with the bone sticking out until I decided to go get it looked at. Probably wasn't the smartest thing to do. But then again, neither was punching the wall. All I know is that fucking faggot better be happy I didn't punch him because even the doctor's said that the extent of damage done to my hand was so extreme that had I hit him, the damage done to him probably would have been worse. Oh well, he shouldn't have lied to me.

K, well, I'm going to latenight now.

P.S. Visit my webpage, I've updated it quite a bit within the past couple of weeks, especially the photography section.

Click here for my website!!

(Punch me in the mouth)

Saturday, February 26th, 2005
3:22 pm
Right about now I am just so stressed out. On top of everything that's been going on with Abby and myself, I've got so much shit coming up. I thought this semester was going to be cake...I was wrong. Here's whats going on.

On top of the more than 45 hours a week of work at Littlepage that I've got, here are some due dates I've got coming up:
  • Tues. March 1 - Honor's presentation

  • Thurs. March 3 - Meeting with honors committee at which I need to have a
                                 lot of things put together

  • Fri. March 4 - Exam #1 for CSC 241

  • Mon. March 7 - Assignment #2 due for CSC 350 (a couple programs)

  • Tues. March 8 - Revision of my full proposal for my honors experiment
                           - Half hour recorded conversation and annotated transcription
                                   due for Psycholinguistics
                           - Exam #1 for Psycholinguistics

  • Wed. March 9 - Draft of intro for my Perception experiment due

  • Thurs. March 10 - Paper topic and initial research due for Psycholinguistics

  • Fri. March 11 - CSC 350 midterm
                          - Assignment #5 due for CSC 241 (a couple more programs)


This heart-break couldn't have come at a worse time

I just want her back more than anything

:-(

(Punch me in the mouth)

Wednesday, February 23rd, 2005
1:09 pm
I have to admit that when we were together, I used to treat her very poorly. I realize now that we're not together anymore that the reason I used to treat her in such a way was because I knew she'd be there, no matter what, because that's how she was. She wanted nothing but to be with me, no matter how badly I treated her. I took comfort in knowing that, and took advantage of that. But now she's not there anymore, and I guess it's my fault. I should have treated her better. I shouldn't have expected her to stick with me despite how I treated her. I fucked up big time, and now there may be no way of fixing it.


I wish I knew what to do, what to say to get her back. But I don't know. There may not even be anything I can say or do to get her back. And that hurts. I'm at a loss, and an all-time low.

current mood: depressed

(Punch me in the mouth)

Monday, February 21st, 2005
8:24 pm
If you feel as though this is a cry for help, some sort of attempt to get pity, then don't even bother wasting your time reading it. I don't want your sympathy. I just need to get this out. This is me, plain and simple, exposed for the entire world to see. I am spilling my emotions through words in a feeble attempt to not spill it through the means I've chosen previously.

I feel as though I'm slipping back into my previous state of mind again, a few years back when everything was just dark and dreary in my life. I don't want to feel this way. To think I've come this far only to revert back to my old ways. It all seems like such a waste of time and effort. I keep asking myself why I don't just give up. Is it because I have to prove to myself that I'm better than that? I'm sure as hell not doing it to prove anything to anybody else. As far as I'm concerned, I just don't give a fuck about what anybody thinks of me anymore. I'm done being taken advantage of. I'm done being walked all over. I'm done not being noticed anymore. I'm just so fucking done with everything that was and is me. Some say it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Well I'm beginning to question this whole philosophy because I'm too fucking hurt to be grateful for ever having discovered what love is all about. Love to me is nothing but pain and torture. I got nothing in return but a broken heart that cannot be mended. She wants nothing to do with me anymore. She still doesn't see all the things I've done for her, everything I went through just to please her. She used me as her toy, her plaything which she manipulated and used for her amusement, and once I became too emotionless and dead, she moved on without even looking back. She left me with this void in my life. She drained me of my motivation and my will to go on any longer. She took everything I am with her. Now that I'm cold and void of emotion, I'm no use to her anymore, I'm not good enough for her, so she's moving on. The only emotion left for me is the one I don’t want, all the hurt and heartache that refuses to subside, but gets stronger every fucking minute. She left me hating myself. She pointed out every little flaw of mine, and exploited my imperfections. I always took comfort in knowing that she would always be right there whenever I needed her, whatever "right there" meant to me at the time. I never imagined having to worry about not having anybody to turn to. But now she's not there anymore, and she just doesn't fucking care. I just feel so fucking alone right now. I'm losing my mind. I've become physically ill because of all this emotional anguish and mental torture that I've been going through. I hadn't eaten anything in over 48 hours and still couldn't keep from throwing up last night. I know there are people out there who are willing to listen, but it's just not the same. Five fucking years and this is what I get in return. Five years of lying and hiding shit from me, going behind my back and betraying me; and why did I put up with it? I guess I was too weak to just let go, I knew I couldn't get anybody else and that I'd be alone without her, but now I'm left with no choice. She wants to go out and hook up with other random guys because she feels like they have so much more to offer than I do. Well I just don't think she realizes how high-maintenance of a girl she is. I did everything in my powers to please her, just to give her what she wanted. Any other guy in my situation would not have put up with that for more than a month at most, and I know that for a fact, because the average guy is just a dick, not willing to put forth the effort, and I hate myself even more for being born a male. But if that's what she wants, then she'll have no problem finding it. I think she'll realize eventually that what she had with me was a once in a lifetime opportunity which she still could have had she not done what she did. But now that she's thrown me away, she'll never get that back. I just have to move on and find somebody who can really appreciate what I have to give, if that person exists at all; probably not. It's hard though, especially when I can't go on functioning normally in my everyday life. I can't work at my job properly, I can't get any of my schoolwork done, I can't concentrate in class. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I've got way too much shit on my mind. It hurts knowing that I'm stuck in this state of mind while she goes out and has a grand old fucking time, forgetting all about what we once had and what I had to offer. How does she do it? How can any decent, normal human being leave somebody in such a state without being the least bit affected by the consequences? She's stabbed me in the back once again, deeper than ever, twisted it in there, and just left the knife sticking in as a constant fucking reminder of all of the abuse I took from her, all of the pain I went through, all of the mental anguish that will stick with me until the day my miserable little existence is done with. I just can't wait until the day she comes crawling back to me, all bloody and bruised, abused by some other guy, down on her knees begging me to take her back, because for the first time ever it will be ME looking down on HER. I just wish I could get inside her head and see what she's thinking, what her intentions are. Does she really want to hurt me the way she is? Did she ever truly love me? Was everything we had a lie? Why did she have to leave me here alone? Why? That's all I want to know. Why the fuck am I stuck here like this while she has no problem moving on? Does she not see what I'm going through? Does she even care? These are all questions which I will probably never know the answers to, nor are they worth exploring further. Has my love for her turned into hate? Will I ever learn to care about anyone again? Will I ever be able to trust? Only time will answer these questions. Right now I'm just really confused. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to do. I'm at a loss. I give up. I'm done.


EDIT:

Yes, I do still love her. I love her so fucking much. And that's why it hurts so much to see her go. Nothing can change how much I love her, despite what I've gone through. I just wish that she could only see how I feel for her.

Will this pain ever end? I don't know how much more of it I can take. It hurts so much. I've never felt this much pain all at once. It's so overwhelming, I don't know what to do, I don't know how to handle it. I don't know if I can.

current mood: depressed

(Punch me in the mouth)

Thursday, February 17th, 2005
9:48 pm








ALONE</h2>







(2 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Wednesday, February 16th, 2005
1:18 pm
Lying is lying, whether done by a girlfriend, boyfriend, or friend. I've put up with it for far too long. Enough is enough. I will not tolerate it any longer. You've finally pushed me too far.

I just hope you know that I'm doing this because it is what's best for the both of us.

I hope think?

current mood: confused

(3 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Thursday, February 10th, 2005
3:47 pm
Where is the rake? http://www.starterupsteve.com/swf/rake_bush4.html

current mood: amused

(Punch me in the mouth)

1:18 am
P.S. I hate you.

(Punch me in the mouth)

12:56 am
So lately I've been seriously considering partitioning my hard-drive and installing Linux on one of my partitions. I figured it's about time I get away from evil Microsoft. Anyone have any thoughts on this? Experiences, good or bad? I've heard some people say to just scrap Windows altogether and install Linux, not to even bother with a dual boot, but I think I'd rather partition so that I'll have Windows just in case something goes wrong with Linux...not that I think anything too terrible would happen that I couldn't fix, but I guess it'll just give me a better sense of security. I've got enough room to handle two OSes, so that's not really a concern. However, in order to partition my drive, I'll have to back up all my files because the fdisk command deletes all files, and this action is irreversible, so there's another thing I'll have to worry about. But I do have a nice new CD/DVD burner which I could probably transfer all my files with, and it might also provide me with a good opportunity to clean up my computer of all the unnecessary files I have just cluttering up my disk space. I'll have to think on it more, and decide if I really want to go through the hassel and spend time on such a task.

current mood: bored

(Punch me in the mouth)

Sunday, February 6th, 2005
10:25 pm
I think I'm addicted to chocolate soymilk. I wonder how good soymilk is for you. Hmmm...

I've been bored so I decided to update my website, but I've still got A LOT of work to do on it. When I get another burst of inspiration maybe I'll do something else with it. Feel free to have a look and give me some suggestions of what to include on it. http://www.oswego.edu/~noeller

current mood: bored

(Punch me in the mouth)

Tuesday, February 1st, 2005
9:02 am
Here's another one for your enjoyment...

(6 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Sunday, January 30th, 2005
5:39 pm
Tim Burton's stop motion animated follow up to "The Nightmare Before Christmas." Can't wait to see it!




View the trailer here, or click on the image above!

current mood: bored

(4 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Friday, January 28th, 2005
3:14 pm

(6 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

3:11 pm
I hate psycho ex-girlfriends...






Just move on...

current mood: aggravated

(1 open wound ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Thursday, January 27th, 2005
3:35 pm - 01100100011010010110011101101001011101000110000101101100
Just messing around with a picture of myself...here are the results...




current mood: bored

(3 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Tuesday, January 25th, 2005
7:29 pm
Okay, so I got REALLY bored. Nothing too extraordinary here.





X twoCollapse )

(Punch me in the mouth)

Monday, January 24th, 2005
8:46 pm - Fun with borders...
Here I was just messing around with making borders in photoshop. The original picture is first, followed by five copies with different sorts of borders. Take a look, tell me what you think!


SiXCollapse )

(3 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
8:00 pm
I feel like I live at Littlepage, I put in almost 20 hours this weekend. Oh well, I need the money.

Maggie broke a plate at work and I cut my finger...It kinda stings a little...

Although I worked a lot, I did manage to get out Friday night. I went to Greene's, one of the many bars here in Oswego, with Jimbo, Jeff, Sammy (gratuated with me from West Genny and just transferred here this semester and, coincidently, is rooming with Jimbo) and a couple other guys. I had a few drinks and a good time. I'm expecting this semester to be a bit easier than the last so I want to get out more, try to hang out with some people that I drifted from as a result of my busy schedule last year. We'll see how that works out.

current mood: exhausted

(Punch me in the mouth)

Saturday, January 22nd, 2005
7:49 pm
Here are some more pictures I've got on my computer from over winter break...

||3||Collapse )

current mood: tired

(8 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Friday, January 21st, 2005
2:01 pm

(Punch me in the mouth)

Thursday, January 20th, 2005
10:48 am - Photoshop Phun!!!!
As promised, here are some of the little "projects" I worked on while home and extremely bored over winter break.

2 originals + 2 manipulationsCollapse )

(9 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Wednesday, January 19th, 2005
11:06 pm

What sign of the Zodiac am I?


Virgo 100 %
Scorpio 80 %
Taurus 73 %
Pisces 73 %
Sagittarius 66 %
Aquarius 60 %
Cancer 60 %
Capricorn 53 %
Gemini 53 %
Libra 53 %
Aries 40 %
Leo 40 %



Take the Zodiac test here!






huh...
interesting...
in case you don't know, my real sign is capricorn...

(Punch me in the mouth)

Tuesday, January 18th, 2005
9:32 am
So it's back to school after I get out of work today.

It's about friggen time...

Winter break is too long.

(2 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Sunday, January 16th, 2005
1:17 pm
Happy 21st birthday to me...




















blah...

(6 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Thursday, January 13th, 2005
10:50 pm
I love photoshop.

I've been busy these past couple of nights messing around with my camera and photoshop. I'll have some stuff to upload and share once I get back to school (Tuesday). I can't do it here because the computer here at home sucks! (It's a Compaq, need I say more?!)

(Punch me in the mouth)

12:35 pm
Check this out...

http://lohanfreestyle.com/

current mood: amused

(Punch me in the mouth)

Monday, January 10th, 2005
5:30 pm
I Close My Eyes And You Say Those Things That Aggravate Me
I Swear You Say Them Just To Make Me Cry
I Swear You Say Them Just To Make My Heart Break
This Time It's Not Going To Fucking Happen
I Put My Hands Around Your Throat And Squeeze
Until Your Pulse Has Faded, Until Your Pulse Has Faded
So Now Who Is Begging Who To Stop
And Now Who Is Crying To Who
And Once Again The Annoying Sound Of 6 AM
6 AM Saves Your Life
And As Always My Happiness Is Cut Short

current mood: pissed off

(2 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Saturday, January 8th, 2005
1:56 pm
Dr. Phil pisses me off so much. He's such a quack.

current mood: irritated

(Punch me in the mouth)

12:27 am
What a sad, sad mental illness anorexia is...

images may be disturbing to some with weak stomaches...Collapse )

current mood: sympathetic

(2 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Saturday, January 1st, 2005
1:24 pm
Having the letters "PhD" after your name does not authorize you to be a dick.


Go try your powertrip on somebody else because it's not going to work on me.


Prick.

(Punch me in the mouth)

Wednesday, December 22nd, 2004
9:56 pm - Rough draft of my honor's dissertation intro
I thought I'd post the [extremely] rough draft of my introduction to my honors dissertation. This is the big experiment I'll be working on for the next 1 and a half years of my college career, as I've mentioned before. I'll be working on my methods next semester. I really want to use rats in my experiment but we'll have to see how that goes next semester. Anyways, on with my introduction.



Polydrug Use Among Ecstasy Users and its Effects on Memory

By: Matthew Noeller


Ecstasy, a commonly used recreational drug among the young adult population, has been found to cause deficiencies in human cognitive functioning. In particular, chronic recreational Ecstasy use has often been reported to be associated with serotonergic alterations and memory impairments. Cannabis, another commonly used recreational drug, has also been known to contribute to poor cognitive functions, such as loss of memory, particularly short-term memory. Long-term use of cannabis has been related to deficits in attention span as well as memory and learning impairments. It is common for regular users of Ecstasy to experiment with other drugs, such as marijuana. Because of this, studying the effects of Ecstasy alone is very difficult. In order to establish knowledge about the effects of Ecstasy on memory, one must also study the effects of the other drugs used in combination with it as well as the interactions present among these various drugs.

Cannabis use dates back as far as 1000 BC when it is said to have been used by Chinese emperors. Native to central Asia, cannabis has spread all over the world, and has been used all throughout history for a number of reasons from religious practices to alleviating pain and anxiety, as well as a treatment for various disorders. Its use and cultivation has only recently been outlawed in almost every country in the world. Of the several various active substances present in cannabis, the most powerful is Delta-l-tetrahydrocannabinol (THC). THC is a cannabinoid chemical which mimics the actions of the naturally occurring brain substance anandamide and binds to cannabinoid receptors in the brain, activating the neurons. High concentrations of cannabinoid receptors exist in the hippocampus, located in the temporal lobe, which plays an essential role in short-term memory. When THC binds with the cannabinoid receptors in the hippocampus, it interferes with the recollection of recent events.

3,4-Methylenedioxymethamphetamine (MDMA), also known as Ecstasy, Adam, XTC, E, X, and the Love Drug, has a much shorter history. Ecstasy was patented in 1914 by the German pharmaceutical company Merck as a parent compound for the synthesis of other pharmaceuticals, such as diet pills. With the exception of the US army trials in the 1950s, Ecstasy remained largely forgotten until the mid 1970s when the Californian experiential psychopharmacologist Alexander Shulgin rediscovered it in his lab, leading to its first description of its recreational effects on humans. After that, Ecstasy quickly captured the interest of mainstream society and became one of the several legal recreational drugs used by many including seekers of spiritual enlightenment, as well as for a psychotherapeutic aid, much like cannabis once was, by enhancing introspective states and increasing communication with others, promoting fear reduction and acceptance, and facilitating treatment of post-traumatic stress disorder. It wasn’t until November of 1985 with the emerging reports of neurotoxicity that it was classified as a Class 1 illicit drug without any known medical uses by the DEA (Freese et al., 2002), making its use illegal. The popularity of Ecstasy continued to grow during the late 1980s and early 1990s, despite warnings of its potential negative effects.

Ecstasy is a serotonin agonist which works on the same system as antidepressants such as the popular fluoxetine (Prozac™), paroxetine (Paxil™), and sertraline (Zoloft™). While these substances influence mood by inhibiting the reuptake of serotonin, Ecstasy substantially increases the release of serotonin, producing a much greater effect than that of the above mentioned antidepressants. More specifically, Ecstasy causes a vast neurocellular release of serotonin (5-hydroxytryptamine or 5-HT), most likely due to an overflow of cytoplasmic 5-HT and the simultaneous assistance of 5-HT transporter (Berger et al., 1992). It is this that is believed to be responsible for providing the user with Ecstasy’s hallucinogenic, psychotropic properties (Liechti et al., 2000). An acute dose of Ecstasy can release anywhere around 80% of central serotonin stores (Green et al., 1995). It is also this depletion of serotonin which has been related to memory deficits in Ecstasy users.

There have been reported cases (e.g. McCann and Ricaurte, 1991) in which individual Ecstasy users complain of problems with both short-term and long-term memory sometimes after only one month of regular Ecstasy use. Further investigations into this issue found poor immediate and delayed word recall in both novice and regular Ecstasy users. A follow-up study showed significant verbal memory deficits as well (Parrott and Lasky, 1998). Morgan (1999) found significantly poorer prose recall in abstinent Ecstasy users than in two control groups of non-drug users and illicit polydrug users (e.g. LSD, amphetamine, cannabis), whereas the memory scores for the two control groups were similar. Verkes et al. (2001) found significant deficits in word recognition, Corsi block span and figure recognition in recreational Ecstasy users, compared with non-user controls. Word recognition was also significantly worse in heavy than in moderate Ecstasy users. In an experiment performed by Sprague et al. (2003), it was concluded that the use of Ecstasy causes lesions in the rat hippocampus which, in turn, negatively affects reference memory.

One major confounding variable found in previous studies using human subjects is the use of other illicit drugs, primarily that of cannabis, since its regular use is known to be associated with deficits in learning, concentration, and working memory. Several groups have focused on cannabis in the past, investigating whether it might explain the memory deficits found in Ecstasy users. Gouzoulis-Mayfrank et al. (2000) administered an extensive battery of cognitive tests to three equally sized groups: non-drug users, regular Ecstasy users who also took cannabis and a cannabis group closely matched with the Ecstasy group on past cannabis use. The results indicated that there were no performance differences between the cannabis users and the non-drug users on any task. In contrast, the Ecstasy and cannabis user group performed significantly worse than the non-drug users on more tasks. Furthermore, the Ecstasy and cannabis user group did significantly worse than the cannabis user group and non-user control group on tests involving learning, memory, problem solving and strategic planning. The only tasks in which Ecstasy users showed no impairment were basic measures such as simple reaction time. Finally, although the cannabis group was not cognitively impaired, the use of cannabis by the Ecstasy users was associated with strong cognitive deficits. Croft et al. (2001) compared heavy cannabis users with Ecstasy users who also used large amounts of cannabis and non-user controls. Their conclusions were much different. The cannabis group and Ecstasy and cannabis group each performed significantly worse than non-user controls on tests of memory, learning, word fluency, speed of processing and manual dexterity. However, there were no significant performance difference between the cannabis and Ecstasy and cannabis groups, which led the authors to suggest that "“previously reported cognitive impairment in Ecstasy users may have been caused by coincident cannabis use"”(p. 373). However, this study was flawed, and suffered from various limitations. The inclusion criteria for past Ecstasy use were not specified, and the group appears to have contained some participants with just a few experiences of Ecstasy. This may be important, given the small size of the Ecstasy and cannabis group (n = 11), compared with the cannabis users (n = 18) and non-user controls (n = 31). The lifetime use of cannabis was also much higher than the lifetime experience of Ecstasy. Rodgers (2000), on the other hand, compared three equally sized groups: Ecstasy and cannabis users, cannabis users, and non-drug users. The past use of cannabis was again heavy (mean of 4 days/week for 10 years) in comparison with the past use of Ecstasy (mean of 20 occasions over 5 years). Both the Ecstasy and cannabis users and the cannabis users displayed significant memory and learning impairments compared with the controls. However, the Ecstasy and cannabis group performed significantly worse than the cannabis group on two tasks: delayed recall of verbal paired associated and delayed recall of visual paired associates. Bolla et al. (1998) also found that Ecstasy users were significantly more impaired on visual and verbal memory tasks than a non-user control group, which included several cannabis users. The degree of deficit in delayed visual recall was also significantly correlated with monthly Ecstasy intake.

As has been demonstrated in the previous studies, one major problem with studying the effects of Ecstasy and other drugs using human subjects is that it is difficult to control for what other drugs have been used in the past or are currently being used by the Ecstasy user on a regular basis. These drugs can potentially have various types of interactions and synergistic effects on Ecstasy. It is also not uncommon that Ecstasy is not the only drug present in a single dose of Ecstasy. For instance, Freese et al. (2002) reported that among the other common drugs mixed with Ecstasy are dextromethorphan, caffeine, ephedrine, pseudoephedrine, and salicylates. Also, in some cases, hits of Ecstasy may not even contain MDMA at all, but a derivative of it.

It has also been observed that Ecstasy users have also experimented with other drugs. Croft et al. (2001) stated that it is common for Ecstasy users to follow up with using cannabis as a means of alleviating the negative effects present when Ecstasy’s euphoric properties begin to wear off. Cole et al. (2003) pointed out that novice users typically take Ecstasy in isolation of other drugs, with the exception of alcohol. However, once they gain more experience with the drug, they tend to experiment by combining other drugs, particularly stimulants and hallucinogens, and other “dance drugs” in an attempt to stay awake and dance longer at dance clubs or raves. They pointed out that repeated exposure to a high-dose regiment of Ecstasy alters the rewarding properties of Ecstasy, cocaine, and ethanol.

The present experiment will focus on the effects of Ecstasy on various forms of memory. Polydrug use, namely that of cannabis and Ecstasy, will be examined by testing the effects of both cannabis and Ecstasy independently, before, during, and after Ecstasy use. It is predicted that Ecstasy alone will not impair memory and possibly even enhance memory. However, with the presence of other drugs, memory impairments will be far more detrimental to memory and other cognitive functions, as at the same time as increasing sensory experience and activating areas of the brain responsible for memory acquisition, the other drugs are working against this same system.

References


Berger, U.V., Gu, X.F., & Azmitia, E.C. (1992). The substituted amphetamines 3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine, methamphetamine, para-chloroamphetamine and fenfluramine induce 5-hydroxytryamine release via a common mechanism blocked by fluoxetine and cocaine. European Journal of Pharmacology 215, 153-160.

Bolla, K.I., McCann, U.D., & Ricaurte, G.A. (1998). Memory impairment in abstinent MDMA (‘ecstasy’) users. Neurology 51, 1532-1537.

Cole, J.C., Sumnall, H.R., O’Shea, E., & Marsden, C.A. (2003). Effects of MDMA exposure on the conditioned place preference produced by other drugs of abuse. Psychopharmacology 166, 383-390.

Croft, R.J., Mackay, A.J., Mills, A.T.D., & Gruzelier, J.G.D. (2001). The relative contributions of ecstasy and cannabis to cognitive impairment. Psychopharmacology 153, 373-379.

Freese, T.E., Miotto, K., & Reback, C.J. (2002). The effects and consequences of selected club drugs. Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment 23, 151-156.

Gouzoulis-Mayfrank, E., Daumann, J., Tuchtenhagen, F., et al. (2000). Impaired cognitive performance in drug free users of recreational ecstasy (MDMA). Journal of Neurology, Neurosurgery and Psychiatry 68, 719-725.

Green, A.R., Cross, A.J., & Goodwin, G.M. (1995). Review of the pharmacology and clinical pharmacology of 3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine (MDMA or ecstasy). Psychopharmacology 119, 247-260.

Liechti, M.E., Baumann, C., Gamma, A., & Vollenweider, F.X. (2000). Acute psychological effects of (+/-) 3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine (MDMA, “ecstasy”) are attenuated by the serotonin uptake inhibitor citalopram. Neuropsychopharmacology 22, 513-521.

McCann, U.D. & Ricaurte, G.A. (1991). Lasting neuropsychiatric sequelae of (+/-) 3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine (‘ecstasy’) in recreational users. Journal of Clinical Psychopharmacology 11, 302-305.

Morgan, M.J. (1999). Memory deficits associated with recreational use of ‘ecstasy’ (MDMA). Psychopharmacology 141, 30-36.

Parrott, A.C., & Lasky, J. (1998). Ecstasy (MDMA) effects upon mood and cognition; before during, and after a Saturday night dance. Psychopharmacology 139, 261-268.

Rodgers, J. (2000). Cognitive performance amongst recreational users of ‘Ecstasy’. Psychopharmacology 151, 19-24.

Sprague, J.E., Preston, A.S., Leifheit, M., & Woodside, B. (2003). Hippocampal serotonergic damage induced by MDMA (ecstasy): effects on spatial learning. Physiology & Behavior 79, 281-287.

Verkes, R.J., Gigsman, H.J., Pieters, M.S.M., Schoemaker, R.C., de Visser, S., & Kuijpers, M. (2001). Cognitive performance and serotonergic function in users of ecstasy. Psychopharmacology 153, 196-202.

(1 open wound ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Thursday, November 4th, 2004
11:31 am
I was able to register for the Spring 2005 semester today at 11:00am. Here are the results:



Spring 2005 Class Schedule

DayTimeCourse ID/NameInstructorLocation
Monday8:45am - 10:05amPSY 401
Perception
S. WurstMahar 220
10:20am - 11:15amCSC 241
Abstract Data Types and Programming Methodology
S. FettesSnygg 106
11:30am - 12:25pmCSC 350
Computational Linguistics
D. VampolaSnygg 106
1:50pm - 3:50pmPSY 401
lab
S. WurstMahar 302
Tuesday9:35am - 10:55amPSY 310
Psycholinguistics
K. LinkMahar 104
2:20pm - 3:40pmPSY 391H
Honors Seminar
P. StewartMahar 107
Wednesday8:45am - 10:05amPSY 401
Perception
S. WurstMahar 220
10:20am - 11:15amCSC 241
Abstract Data Types and Programming Methodology
S. FettesSnygg 106
11:30am - 12:25pmCSC 350
Computational Linguistics
D. VampolaSnygg 106
Thursday9:35am - 10:55amPSY 310
Psycholinguistics
K. LinkMahar 104
2:20pm - 3:40pmPSY 391H
Honors Seminar
P. StewartMahar 107
Friday10:20am - 11:15amCSC 241
Abstract Data Types and Programming Methodology
S. FettesSnygg 106
11:30am - 12:25pmCSC 350
Computational Linguistics
D. VampolaSnygg 106





Should be a fun semester I suppose...

(3 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Saturday, October 30th, 2004
11:01 am
Wow, August 31st was the last time I updated my LiveJournal. Almost two whole months ago! I figured it’s about time I update with a little something and let you all know that I’m still alive.

So this semester is going by extremely fast. I’ve been very busy the whole while, which is why I haven’t updated at all. Living in the lounge with Dave, Joe, and Wes is great. I’ll have to post pictures of the room sometime in the near future. I’ve also met a lot of new people this year; again I’ll have pictures sometime soon.

As far as academics and extracurricular go, I am now the treasurer of psychology club. I was also recently inducted into Psi Chi, the national honors society in psychology. And just the other day I heard back from my manager, and I am now a group leader at Littlepage Dining Hall.

I’ve started research for my honors thesis in psychology. I will most likely be doing some experiments on rats next year. Particularly the effects of arousal, manipulated via psycho-stimulants (methamphetamine, caffeine, cocaine) on memory (short-term, long-term, and working). I’m really looking forward to it. It should be quite interesting.

So what else can I say about my semester from hell? It’s almost time for me to register for next semesters classes which will be so much easier than this semester, I’ve already figured out my schedule. I am almost done with my philosophy minor, as well as with my psychology major. However, I’ve got quite a bit of ways to go with my cognitive science major, but I should be able to have it done by the end of next year, and if I have to stay a semester after that, then it’s all good, I don’t mind. I’ve been looking at grad schools lately, because I’m pretty sure that’s what I’ll be doing after I graduate. Right now Carnegie Mellon in Boston is looking pretty promising, as well as a few other schools in Boston. I’ll most likely be going to visit Boston for the EPA (Easter Psychological Association) conferences being held there in March with psychology club, so hopefully I’ll be able to get a good feel as to what Boston is like and maybe even talk to some alumni about the schools there.

But anyways, that was my quick and dirty update. Who knows when I’ll be able to update again. I hope to get back into the loop of updating again, but that really depends on how busy I am and if I can find time in my busy schedule to sit down and update. So until next time, take care!

(3 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Tuesday, August 31st, 2004
3:17 pm
I haven't updated in a while, so I figure I should go ahead and ramble on for a few minutes here. I'm back up at school.

7CW Seneca Hall
SUNY Oswego
Oswego, NY 13126

Phone: (315) 312-5070
Cell: (315) 751-4778

Already had my first two days of classes, they went alright. Met some new people these past few days. Got sunburnt on my shaved head, and now it's peeling REALLY bad. Got Abby and my sister a job at Littlepage with me.

So my schedule looks like this...

Monday:
7am - 10am Work
10:20am - 11:15am CSC 241 : Abstract Data Types and Programming Methodology (Java II)
11:30am - 12:25pm PHL 370 : Metaphysics
12:40pm - 1:35pm PSY 405 : Cognition

Tuesday:
9:35am - 10:55am PSY 390H : Advanced General Psych. Honors
11:10am - 12:30pm PSY 303 : Biopsychology
4:30pm - 7:00pm Work

Wednesday:
10:20am - 11:15am CSC 241 : Abstract Data Types and Programming Methodology (Java II)
11:30am - 12:25pm PHL 370 : Metaphysics
12:40pm - 1:35pm PSY 405 : Cognition

Thursday:
9:35am - 10:55am PSY 390H : Advanced General Psych. Honors
11:10am - 12:30pm PSY 303 : Biopsychology
12:45pm - 2:45pm PSY 405 lab
4:30pm - 7:00pm Work

Friday:
7am - 10am Work
10:20am - 11:15am CSC 241 : Abstract Data Types and Programming Methodology (Java II)
11:30am - 12:25pm PHL 370 : Metaphysics
12:40pm - 1:35pm PSY 405 : Cognition

[every other] Saturday:
10:00am - 2:00pm Work

[every other] Sunday:
4:30pm - 7:30pm Work


This is going to be one hell of a semester. I've got to design and run ANOTHER experiment for my psych. 405 class, much like I did last semester, but more difficult of course. AND on top of that, I've got to start my honors thesis for psychology this semester, which means ANOTHER experiment and a bunch of other research. Gah!! Oh well, I'm sure I'll get through it. BUT, I suppose I should get going and do something about my cellphone since it's ALWAYS roaming up here, and I'll probably have a $500 phone bill now, so I should call them and see what I can do about that.

(5 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Thursday, August 19th, 2004
12:36 am
I've come to realize that you've got a way of lying to yourself just as well as you lie to me. It's nice to know that you can go to bed at night and wake up in the morning pretending like nothing ever happened, like you can just erase your past. I wish there were a way for me to erase the last four years of my life as easily as you pretend to do. Maybe you don't know what love means, maybe I've never experienced it, but I do know that it's not love what you feel for me. The word "love" coming from your mouth makes no sense. It must be so nice to erase all of your mistakes from your mind, pretending like you're a perfect person. I guess the reason I can't go on denying the past like you do is because I'm too in touch with reality, and whenever I drift from reality, I have scars to remind me of what's real and what's fake...fake like the feelings you show to me and all of your apologies. I don't feel bad for thinking any of this, and I won't regret having thought this way, because it's all true. I shouldn't be so surprised given our past full of your lies, hiding shit, and cheating. At least next time I won't be as surprised...once a cheater always a cheater. I feel no sympathy for the way my thoughts make you feel; you can't feed me your bullshit anymore and expect me to take back everything I've said and felt, it won't work. I hope some day soon I find the girl whose perfect for me, who can mend my broken heart and make everything better, though I'm sure that's not possible...my scars tell me that its not.

current mood: crushed

(4 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Saturday, August 14th, 2004
8:18 pm
So last night I was called into Wegman's to work the overnight shift (10:30pm - 7am). It wasn't bad at all; time went by really fast. I wouldn't mind doing it again. Anyways, to pass the time, I read lots and lots of magazines, but one of particular interest that inspired me to take notes was U.S. News & World Report -- more specifically their newest edition: "America's Best Graduate Schools 2005." In 13 days I will be starting my second semester as a junior (credit-wise) at SUNY Oswego and I'm almost positive that I'll be attending graduate school after I graduate from there, so I figured it's not too soon to start looking around. Considering the fact that I'm not too sure where I'm going in life at this point, I have a very broad selection of schools to look at. I compiled a list of schools relatively close to where I live that came up most frequently on the top of the several lists I looked at in the magazine. They are as follows, with the state it is located in and the programs with it's number ranking in parentheses (the lower the number, the better) for that specific program among all the graduate schools in the country:


Harvard University (MA) : Computer Science (#20); Medical Research (#1); Psychology (#6); Cognitive Psychology (#6); Experimental Psychology (#7)

Carnegie Mellon University (PA) : Computer Science (#1); Artificial Intelligence (#2); Psychology (#9); Cognitive Psychology (#2)

Princeton (NJ) : Computer Science (#9); Psychology (#11); Cognitive Psychology (#9); Experimental Psychology (#10)

Cornell University (NY) : Computer Science (#6); Medical Research (#12); Psychology (#15)

Columbia University (NY) : Computer Science (#20); Psychology (#11)

SUNY Stonybrook (NY) : Computer Science (#29); Clinical Psychology (#15)

University of Rochester (NY) : Medical Research (#32); Clinical Psychology (#44)

Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MA) : Artificial Intelligence (#1); Cognitive Psychology (#9)

University of Pennsylvania (PA) : Artificial Intelligence (#7); Psychology (#15)

SUNY Albany (NY) : Clinical Psychology (#38)

University of Buffalo - SUNY (NY) : Clinical Psychology(#44)

University of Massachusetts - Amherst (MA) : Artificial Intelligence (#6)


So I guess where I decide to go all really depends on what field I eventually choose to devote my life to....

current mood: contemplative

(2 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Friday, August 13th, 2004
12:07 am
Yeah, so I've said it before, and I think I can say it again, but I've been doing too much shopping! But it feels so good to spend money! Well, not really money but you know...the power of plastic. With my eight credit cards, there's no stopping me!! OK, so maybe I do need to stop applying for credit cards and maxing them out, and maybe I am worse than a girl when shopping, but who cares!? And I'm not done yet either...I've still got a few idea of what to buy next.

Anyways, the day I move back in to school is approaching quickly. I'm working the Welcome Picnic for the freshman on Friday August 27th, which means I get to move in early free of charge! Woo hoo! I'll probably just move in Friday (as opposed to Saturday when I'm supposed to be moving in with the rest of the upperclassmen) because that's when my sister has to move in. I could move in Wednesday or Thursday, but maybe it's better to just go up when my sister does. Plus, I told Wegman's that I can work up until the 26th...whether they schedule me or not is a different story.

Which reminds me...PAYDAY TOMORROW!! Although my paycheck won't be that impressive. But it's something.

Ooh! And I should look into a direct deposit account with Charter One Bank Abby told me about. Supposedly they give you $50 for opening the account and an additional $50 for the first deposit...there has to be some kind of catch though, but we'll see.

OK, it's time for me to go lift now (oh yeah, I'm so buff ;-P)

current mood: chipper

(5 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Tuesday, August 10th, 2004
11:05 pm

LJMeme.com Crush Meme

Number of crushes on me so far: 0



LJ username:





Nobody loves me...

:-(

current mood: silly

(1 open wound ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Monday, August 2nd, 2004
1:34 am
I can't wait to go back to school!!

current mood: anxious

(5 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Friday, July 30th, 2004
2:22 pm
My cousin Ed (eroge) sent these to me in an email, and I got a kick out of them, so I just thought I'd share...





Five more diamond ads...Collapse )



P.S. When did photobucket completely redesign their site??? For a while I was beginning to think that the site was about to bite the dust...

current mood: amused

(1 open wound ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Sunday, July 25th, 2004
10:29 pm
What is wrong with people these days? I don't care how innocent this site may look or may be trying to appear, but it's just wrong. Plain and simple.

http://www.childsupermodels.com/

Any decent human being viewing this site would immediately understand what I'm talking about and hopefully agree 110%.

current mood: irritated

(6 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Friday, July 23rd, 2004
9:46 pm
I've really spent too much money that I don't have this past week. I prettymuch bought myself a whole new wardrobe...shopping is addicting.

Oh yeah, and I got a cell phone (AT&T Wireless)...now I'm not the only person on the planet without one. In case you were wondering, my number is (315)751-4778; feel free to give me a jingle some time.

So I think I need to take a break from the mall and shopping before I REALLY go overboard. Especially since my MBNA credit card totally fucked over my bank account by randomly helping themselves to an extra $50, thus making me bounce my first check ever, as well as another insufficient fund fee...let's hope that's all. So on Monday I'm calling them bastards up and saying I would like my $50 refunded as well as the $60 in bank fees...in a not so polite manner might I add.

That's all for now I think.

current mood: tired

(4 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Tuesday, July 20th, 2004
12:10 am
bought new shoes today! :-)



i'm the only one who likes them :-(





p.s.

i survived the wedding

my speech went very well

current mood: bored

(5 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Friday, July 16th, 2004
12:04 pm - My speech
So I decided I'd go ahead and write a nice speech, instead of going ahead with the plan to get really drunk and start rambling about how he beat my mom. Anyways, here it is. Let me know what you think!


Excuse me everyone, if I could have your attention for just a moment. I'd like to take a couple minutes to say a few words about our bride and groom. For those of you who don't know me, I'm Matt, Ken's best man and son. I think it's safe to say that we're all delighted to be here today on this joyous occasion.

Well, it has been said that being asked to be the best man is much like being asked to make love to the Queen Mother, it's a great honor but nobody really wants to do it. Well, as it turns out, the Queen Mother was busy today, so here I am.

Firstly, on behalf of the bridesmaids, I'd like to thank Ken for his kind sentiments, and I think everybody would agree that they look wonderful and did an excellent job today. I guess I'm supposed to say that, especially since two of them are my sisters.

Also, before I begin the traditional character assassination of the groom, I'd also like to add that Johnna, you look like one in a million today. And dad, you're looking very handsome as well.

And now, it's time for me to really lay into Ken and humiliate him in front of everybody here tonight... [long pause] ...Fortunately for Ken, I honestly don't have any humiliating stories to share with you all...so Dad, you can breathe a sigh of relief for now.

So, ladies and gentlemen, please raise your glasses to the newly weds, Mr. and Mrs. Noeller.

May the joys you share today be the beginning of a lifetime of great happiness and fulfillment.

Cheers!


It was actually going to be a bit longer, and I was going to go into history a little bit, but my mother said it was fine just like that, so I figured if it's fine, then there's no sense in making myself stand up and talking in front of all those people I don't even know about somebody I don't even know any longer than I have to.

current mood: nervous

(1 open wound ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

Wednesday, July 14th, 2004
10:49 pm
So I suppose it's about time for another one of them updates. So what's been happenin' in my life as of late. Saturday was my sister Melissa's graduation party. That was kind of fun I guess. Ended up spending the night at my aunt's house where the party was. Nothing much happened Sunday except for work. Same thing with Monday. Then yesterday I decided to walk a couple of DVDs that I rented from Videoking back up there and walk back home. Well, it's about 8 miles to Videoking. It took me about an hour and 10 minutes to get there (yes, I timed it), I bought some water at the neighboring Byrne Dairy and sat there and rested for about 20 minutes to a half hour, and then walked back home in another hour. 16 miles in 3 hours, and I was pretty tired. I got home around 5pm, went to work at 6:30pm, and was let out a half hour early. That was last night. Today I'm pretty sore from all that walking, but it's not too bad. Good exercise! So today I had to pick up my tux for my "father's" wedding which is this Sunday, which I am NOT looking forward to at all. I'm the best man for the wedding of people I don't even know! This means I'm supposed to give a toast at dinner...What the hell am I supposed to say?! "Don't beat this wife like you beat the last"? I've got money riding on that one! I dunno. But anyways, today I also decided to buy a new septum ring, which I will gladly show you now. Oh, and I also shaved my head all the way down, which I had not done yet...the last couple of times I left a little bit, but this time I decided to go all the way! Anyways, here are the pics. I got camera happy and couldn't stop taking pictures, sorry.



+++++14+++++Collapse )

current mood: bored

(2 open wounds ~X~ Punch me in the mouth)

> previous 50 entries
> top of page
LiveJournal.com